I vow to combat such a statement.



“The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married.”
Cyril Connolly

This is what you shall do: Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body...

Ironic, but mostly unfair.

The most mature relationship I've ever had,
is with someone who lives what seems to me an abysmal distance away
in time and miles.

7 weeks is a cursed amount of time.

Discontent, overwhelmed yet understimulated...and now we can add whiney bitch to the list. It's going to be a long year.


"It's heaven"
"Then it looks like everyone has got it all wrong, only gays and thier dogs get to heaven."
"We are in a snowglobe"
"...and athiests it seems"

fuck scientology

me, rosalie, nathan, and austin were in photography class and we were suppossed to be shooting in chinatown, but somehow the conversation steered from man vs. wild, to south park to scientology and we got what we thought was a great idea.

we hiked up to taylor st. through the most 'mountaineous' route, and found the church that rosalie saw.

basically a lady with very sharp teeth greeted us and made us watch a video full of superflous information (read us our scientology unALIENable rights...coincidence i think not) while she grabbed 'the tests'
we took what was just basically a very long strangely worded personality quiz.




she gave us a copy.

26. Is your life a constant struggle for survival?
(wtf?)

59. Do you consider the modern "prisons without bars" doomed to failure?
(no seriously what does that even mean?)

68. Do you enjoy activities of your own choosing?
(!@#$???)

92. Are you a slow eater?
(why is this even valid?)


they grabbed us individually and showed us the results on a chart.

first she showed me the points on the graph that fell under the unacceptable state. proceded to point out things on the graph that she thought were flaws... i just consider them personality atributes.

(reclusiveness, critical, unstable and dispersed thought)
and then tried to tell me that scientology could help me.

i wouldn't even consider it a religion. its just a giant costly self help course.

i was actually kind of disapointed at theier normalness, besides the vampire-esque lady that greeted us they were just like all the other brain washed religious people i know.

well i can now say as an educated person that scientology is a joke.

today was thoroughly entertaining.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, and Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

good to know

Pensive, meditative, reflective suggest quiet modes of apparent or real thought. Pensive, the weakest of the three, suggests dreaminess or wistfulness, and may involve little or no thought to any purpose: a pensive, faraway look. Meditative involves thinking of certain facts or phenomena, perhaps in the religious sense of “contemplation,” without necessarily having a goal of complete understanding or of action: meditative but unjudicial. Reflective has a strong implication of orderly, perhaps analytic, processes of thought, usually with a definite goal of understanding: a careful and reflective critic.

the room was filled with conversations we weren't having.
-extremely loud and incredibly close

transparent attempted sincerity

we're intertwined, yet distant
as you breathe out and kiss me
the taste of hotel mints attempting to cover your cigar fills

misleading substance
solely sensory pleasure
this feeling keeps my mind from falling to the future

metaphysics
appearance and reality
what is? and what is what i want it to be?

if i could exist only my own apperception
i could be fully sane
and would come to realize
your comparable to a relationship with the weather
surely fleeting and unsure of itself

You know, he's holding you down with the tips of his fingers
just the same
Will you be pulled from the ocean
but just a minute too late
Or changed by a potion
and find a handsome young mate for you to love.
-the shins

covenant to self
i will not settle for someone who doesnt...
-see me diffrently
-empower me
-have expectations and goals for themself


and in the mean time my official new years resolution since i havent exactly wrote it down yet is:
A(practical): learn how to cook thai food
B(self): reaccess my goals and motivate myself. discover my true values and live by them. desubmerge myself in popculture and other petty things. progress artistically every week. become completely comfortable as an independant.