pragmatism vs. romantasism

i dont know how to start this, and would not like to waste time explaining it. im already ahead of myself trying to think of 7 and i must write them down before they slip away.

1. at almost seventeen, im very confused as to where i stand religiously. secular ideas and my romantic belief in something higher are almost equally balanced, although i do know where the scale is headed. even in the previous sentence as a describe higher belief as 'romanitic' i can feel the scales tipping. a year ago maybe two years i would have said God without hesitation, but now i have absolutlely no faith in the organizied religion Christianity. some of this has come from the fact that it has been heavily pushed on me most of my life (and i know some people would say the same, but i would like to belive that i have more reason then most) and i did, i ate it up for the first half. then however pragmatism kicked in and i began to see things diffrently. i also have drawn many lines from people i dont respect, back to Christianity. people who i dont let become more then aquaintences, athority figures, republicans who warp peoples minds by regurgitating back onto them scripture, that the people can not even quote back themselves, but sadly they absorb it. religion in my eyes in some ways is an added handle another way for someone to take advantage of them. however i have not become uninterested in other religion, in fact it has made me far more curious, and has revealed how little i know about other religions. i spent this winter break reading a few books, one of which being Religious Literacy by Stephen Prethero (for the most part engaging and informative). for now i think i do belive in a higher power, it was explained to me this way: you can trace backwards pretty far, as far back as two atoms, some lightning, and an expanse of space. but at some point you have to stop. where did the atoms come from? what about the lightning? what is this expanse? where did it come from? what is life? love?
i think to live as moral of a life as i can, is the best i can do and not to worry about after, later, ending.




after writing one my brain is still buzzing, but i think i would like to do this in sections. i enjoy writing and i enjoy learning about myself as i write. there is just one but i rambled, and i have a feeling i will ramble and would like to ramble about the rest.


-thank you matt